Walls, daemons and bare-teethed beasts

Hilary and I set off early on Sunday morning for the Far East, i.e. Springs for the Springs Striders 32km, which would be my second (having completed Tough One) and Hilary’s first 32km race. We both expressed concern on the way to the race, given the shocking form we experienced on our Thursday/Friday runs, but we were resolved to knuckle down and give it a red hot go. We arrived with plenty of time to spare, shortly after 05:00 and went to the race organisers for Hilary to collect her race pack and for me to enter.

By 05:50 we were heading towards the start armed with Gus, asthma pump and a belly full of nerves. As the start gun fired, we casually stood around for a minute or so until the filed actually started moving. The first 12kms progressed largely without incident, although it was clear that Hil wasn’t her usual self. She seemed to be battling some pretty serious daemons – both physical and mental. After the race she told me that she hit her first wall at 12kms, which for Hilary is a pretty huge thing, because I don’t think she’s ever had to deal with a wall. I, on the other hand, encounter walls of various heights and thicknesses on an almost daily basis.

By the time we passed the stadium to start our second lap, I had to turn around to make sure that Hilary didn’t sneak off and call it a day, doing the 15km. We had agreed to slow down from the 6 minutes a kay that we were aiming for over the first 12km, and were now running in the region of 6:10-6:15/kilometre, having joined a group from Bedfordview, forming a hodgepodge bus of some sort. By the time we went through 18kms, Hil and I had fallen off the bus as Hil struggled with pins and needles, leg cramps and daemons intent on convincing her she couldn’t do it. I’ve been there, I know all-too-well what those buggers sound like when they’re screaming that you can’t do it. They get louder with every aching step, they convince you that your calf hurts, you quad hurts, your foot hurts, you have a headache, you’re dehydrated, you’re feeling nauseous – anything to convince you that you can’t do it. Ignoring them is futile. They are persistent like no other, they’re like children who haven’t grasped that social conventions require you to wait until other people have finished talking before you start talking – “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! MOM!!” You have to fight back, acknowledge that they’re there and then beat them at their own game.

Hilary must have told me a hundred times to go on ahead, to leave her. Every time I turned back to see where she was or to wait for her, she waved me forward, or yelled, “go dude!” I just ignored her and waved her to catch me. When I decided to enter this race, it wasn’t because I particularly wanted to do a 32 this weekend, but I didn’t want Hilary to have to do it on her own. At Tough One, I went through the toughest part of the race on my own, after losing the bus at 16kms (because I have the bladder of an old man with prostate problems), so I knew what it felt like to battle those daemons alone. And it bloody well wasn’t fun at all. I didn’t want Hil to have to fight that battle on her own, and so I made a decision to stick with her – walk when she needed to walk, push her when she needed a push, drag her when she gave up, whatever it took really. Yesterday’s race wasn’t about running a PB or anything of the sort, it was about making sure that Hilary crossed the finish line. And I’m very pleased to say that she did, at 3:39:08, after battling spasms in both calves, cramping in her quads and a multitude of inner beasts, with teeth bared and vicious intentions clearly visible.

Walls are a big part of any runner’s life. For some people they come early and the reconstruct themselves throughout the race, for the lucky ones they are small and surmountable. Some days they’re higher and thicker than others, but they’re always there. The most important thing is proving to yourself that you can overcome them, which Hilary has now done. Well done to Hilary for completing her first ever 32km, we’re now one step closer to that 42.2km – and don’t worry, we’ll kick those walls down together buddy!